Remember that movie "What Women Want," with Mel Gibson?
Yeah, that one.
I suppose the movie folks would have considered making a version called "What Men Want," but it's likely they opted not to, considering that the flick would be all of three minutes long, including credits.
Perhaps just a single scene posted to YouTube featuring a g-string clad video girl balancing a plate of boneless buffalo wings, three cold Heineken bottles and a pair of earplugs on her booty, so as to represent the three necessities required by all heterosexual men:
SEX x FOOD x SILENCE
Sounds simple enough. Perhaps even too simple for me. Being the type of chick I am (never satisfied with simple equations), I asked a couple of the Man Panelists WHAT ELSE should be added to the list.
The Tall, Sexy, Southern Gentleman of the panel (better?) wanted to clarify that it's not just about food, sex and silence ... it's about "GREAT food, sex and silence." And in a surprisingly mushy twist, added, " ... most of all we need you to be our lover and friend. If you can't hang with me and my people, it will never work."
And while those items made me appreciate the tender side of the man species, I decided to ask a few other folks ... and here's a list of what I drummed up:
_ "We need women who complement our egos. notice, not compliment."
_ "Just support, sex, food and silence."
_ "We need a woman to take care of us when we're sick."
_ "I personally need a woman that can hold an intelligent conversation on something other than shoes and shopping or Desperate Housewives."
_ "We need a girl who will stroke our ego when shit's going wrong, and cut us down a peg when our heads get too big."
_ "Sexual compatibility is a must. She doesn't have to do everything you want her to, but if you're into totally different things, it ain't gonna work."
_ "She's gotta be responsive. Sex with someone who doesn't pick up on keys in bed or --just as bad-- doesn't signal at all what they want and expect romantic drama movie scene sex is just deluding themselves. And they tend to be clumsy."
MORAL OF THE STORY: Who cares? It's the summertime. Nobody's looking for a boo! So split that Heinekin and plate of wings with your homeboy, shut up and enjoy the weather. ;)
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Thursday, May 7, 2009
You Hurt My Feelings The Most!
[If my blog persona had a best guy friend, then he'd be [blacksmith] Wordsmith. True, some of the stuff wordsmith says makes me want to punch him with the might of 10,000 women, but hey, that's only because most of the time there's more than a grain of truth in even the most controversial of his statements. -- Check out this joint from blacksmithwordsmith.blogspot.com about men and emoting, then holler back.]
Despite the title, this entry contains no bitchassness, just the truth. Let me start by saying, I hate feelings [oddly enough, "hate" is a feeling]. I view them as an impediment to clear & logical thought. So, emotions : mind as lisp : speech, in my male opinion. The difficulty lies in the old parental proverb "You can think whatever you want, just watch what comes out of your mouth". Of course, the parentals are usually referring to something disrespectful that teenagers mumble under their breath that warrants a jab to the chest or an object thrown blindly in their direction. In the case of us men though too much emoting is likened to estrogen, which is a direct insult to your manhood. It is taboo to cry unless someone has died or you have suffered blunt force trauma to your testicles. I realize I have omitted some other instances worthy of tears, but the point is unless you are a cry baby (or a woman), tears usually signify you are serious. The tricky part, however, is self-expression.
Females have endless avenues of self-expression because it's a known fact that they emote like Whitney Houston sweats. Men have to exercise a surgical precision when stating what's on their mind. If you say too much, you are being extra. If you sugar-coat it, you are bullshitting. If you yell, you are being crazy. So words must be chosen wisely and tact must be exercised when you speak on a matter. There is increased difficulty when you are discussing matters of the heart. First, let me state for the record that we do have feelings & shit (I added "& shit" b/c without it that statement sounded rather effeminate) . Second, I just wanted to take a quick tally of how many women feel this way:
If you raised your hand in agreement, please slap the woman next to you who had her hand up and vice versa. YEAH! (C) Pastor Troy. It's that assumption that causes the sensible woman (not the scallywag) to immediately have her guard up when she begins dealing with a guy. I mean, we want the cakes, but we're interested in you too... sike. Naw, Naw, seriously, don't assume that's ALL a man wants from you until you discuss it. If the nigga says one thing but ends up lying in the end, well... he's a super sexualized beast and you just lost one. It's OK. But, back to the feelings.
Women operate in the land of emotion. You are taught to embrace them and utilize them to make your judgements (re: female intuition). When men enter that zone, it's unfamiliar territory. And the deeper you get into this parallel universe of feelings (& shit), the more confusing it becomes. Now even if you've been in love before, it's always a challenge when you realize that once again you have given someone the power to play puppeteer with your heart strings. I've said before that communication is essential in a healthy relationship. Well,
You see what feelings do to the equation?
Even the most logical man and sensible woman can end up in CB/RiRi interaction (worst case scenario) based on feelings. But the man faces the greatest challenge in remaining calm yet aggressive, direct yet delicate, and a host of other oxymorons. I mean sure, we could say exactly how we feel but that would end up in one of two scenarios 1) man soundin' like a lil bitch or 2) man hurtin' woman's feelings and makin her cry. Double standards are sometimes necessary and in this case, yes, a man should receive just a lil bit more credit for expressing himself than a woman. (Don't blame me, blame society). At times, self-expression is a tight rope walk. You have to find that balance between being eloquent and emoting.
Despite the title, this entry contains no bitchassness, just the truth. Let me start by saying, I hate feelings [oddly enough, "hate" is a feeling]. I view them as an impediment to clear & logical thought. So, emotions : mind as lisp : speech, in my male opinion. The difficulty lies in the old parental proverb "You can think whatever you want, just watch what comes out of your mouth". Of course, the parentals are usually referring to something disrespectful that teenagers mumble under their breath that warrants a jab to the chest or an object thrown blindly in their direction. In the case of us men though too much emoting is likened to estrogen, which is a direct insult to your manhood. It is taboo to cry unless someone has died or you have suffered blunt force trauma to your testicles. I realize I have omitted some other instances worthy of tears, but the point is unless you are a cry baby (or a woman), tears usually signify you are serious. The tricky part, however, is self-expression.
Females have endless avenues of self-expression because it's a known fact that they emote like Whitney Houston sweats. Men have to exercise a surgical precision when stating what's on their mind. If you say too much, you are being extra. If you sugar-coat it, you are bullshitting. If you yell, you are being crazy. So words must be chosen wisely and tact must be exercised when you speak on a matter. There is increased difficulty when you are discussing matters of the heart. First, let me state for the record that we do have feelings & shit (I added "& shit" b/c without it that statement sounded rather effeminate) . Second, I just wanted to take a quick tally of how many women feel this way:
"I must admit I dont give men credit. I always assume them to be super sexualized beast"
-Female Friend
If you raised your hand in agreement, please slap the woman next to you who had her hand up and vice versa. YEAH! (C) Pastor Troy. It's that assumption that causes the sensible woman (not the scallywag) to immediately have her guard up when she begins dealing with a guy. I mean, we want the cakes, but we're interested in you too... sike. Naw, Naw, seriously, don't assume that's ALL a man wants from you until you discuss it. If the nigga says one thing but ends up lying in the end, well... he's a super sexualized beast and you just lost one. It's OK. But, back to the feelings.
Women operate in the land of emotion. You are taught to embrace them and utilize them to make your judgements (re: female intuition). When men enter that zone, it's unfamiliar territory. And the deeper you get into this parallel universe of feelings (& shit), the more confusing it becomes. Now even if you've been in love before, it's always a challenge when you realize that once again you have given someone the power to play puppeteer with your heart strings. I've said before that communication is essential in a healthy relationship. Well,
feelings + communication = discussion * feelings = heated debate
heated debate* feelings = dumb argument
You see what feelings do to the equation?
Even the most logical man and sensible woman can end up in CB/RiRi interaction (worst case scenario) based on feelings. But the man faces the greatest challenge in remaining calm yet aggressive, direct yet delicate, and a host of other oxymorons. I mean sure, we could say exactly how we feel but that would end up in one of two scenarios 1) man soundin' like a lil bitch or 2) man hurtin' woman's feelings and makin her cry. Double standards are sometimes necessary and in this case, yes, a man should receive just a lil bit more credit for expressing himself than a woman. (Don't blame me, blame society). At times, self-expression is a tight rope walk. You have to find that balance between being eloquent and emoting.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Wanna know why he didn't call?
Before there was the Man Panel, there was just James. My older brother, who was once quite the connoisseur of ladies, blessed me with a myriad relationship axioms and advice about dating. Most of it made me suspicious of the male species in general, but now that even Jay has become quite the one-lady fella, I've begun to think that perhaps relationships aren't all minefields. (Perhaps.)
Anyway, I yanked Jay-Jay up for a little chit-chat the last time I was home. We chopped it up about guys who don't call, what to do when a cat says he likes you, and a bunch of other randomness.
Check out the video up top if you haven't already. And as always, keep the comments questions coming.
Love,
n.harlem ;)
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