What Men Want ...

Remember that movie "What Women Want," with Mel Gibson?

Yeah, that one.

I suppose the movie folks would have considered making a version called "What Men Want," but it's likely they opted not to, considering that the flick would be all of three minutes long, including credits.

Perhaps just a single scene posted to YouTube featuring a g-string clad video girl balancing a plate of boneless buffalo wings, three cold Heineken bottles and a pair of earplugs on her booty, so as to represent the three necessities required by all heterosexual men:

SEX x FOOD x SILENCE

Sounds simple enough. Perhaps even too simple for me. Being the type of chick I am (never satisfied with simple equations), I asked a couple of the Man Panelists WHAT ELSE should be added to the list.

The Tall, Sexy, Southern Gentleman of the panel (better?) wanted to clarify that it's not just about food, sex and silence ... it's about "GREAT food, sex and silence." And in a surprisingly mushy twist, added, " ... most of all we need you to be our lover and friend. If you can't hang with me and my people, it will never work."

And while those items made me appreciate the tender side of the man species, I decided to ask a few other folks ... and here's a list of what I drummed up:

_ "We need women who complement our egos. notice, not compliment."

_ "Just support, sex, food and silence."

_ "We need a woman to take care of us when we're sick."

_ "I personally need a woman that can hold an intelligent conversation on something other than shoes and shopping or Desperate Housewives."

_ "We need a girl who will stroke our ego when shit's going wrong, and cut us down a peg when our heads get too big."

_ "Sexual compatibility is a must. She doesn't have to do everything you want her to, but if you're into totally different things, it ain't gonna work."

_ "She's gotta be responsive. Sex with someone who doesn't pick up on keys in bed or --just as bad-- doesn't signal at all what they want and expect romantic drama movie scene sex is just deluding themselves. And they tend to be clumsy."

MORAL OF THE STORY: Who cares? It's the summertime. Nobody's looking for a boo! So split that Heinekin and plate of wings with your homeboy, shut up and enjoy the weather. ;)