Panty Probation

For various reasons (including self-righteousness), I've been avoiding self-help books of the romantic nature for the past couple months, which means I have no appetite for devouring Steve Harvey's "Act Like a Lady, Think like a Man." I have, however, been indulging in all the Oprah x Steve madness ... at least enough to have zeroed in on the Ninety-Day Rule, or the "Three Month Rule" if you're one of those "Girlfriends" fans, like me, who got slighted out of a final episode. (What the fudge, pepper?! Why?!)

For those of you who are too cool to be hip to Steve or Joan, then lemme break it down to you. Steve's philosophy is that, if even the new employees at Ford Motor Company have to wait 90 days before they receive dental and medical insurance, then it's only fitting that a brotha who's jockeying for a position on the two-player team that is coupledom (or something like it) with you, then he, too, should have to wait at least the same amount of time before you break him off the ... ahem ... benefits.

Now, to keep it all the way funky, giving up the drawers is your business. As long as you're content with your panties-related decision-making, then I say "RIGHT ON!" whether you give up the skivvies in less than a day, or if you wait until the Wedding Day to do it.

This is simply a chance to chat it up with the menz. Because, as you may already know -- booty brings all the boys to the yard. And on the other hand, questions about NOT getting booty has 'em running to the green with equal fervor.

Here's what the Man Panel had to say about the Ninety-Day Rule.



Like I said in the video post, "Mr. Paul Wall" basically said, to hell with the Ninety-Day rule. In fact, he directed me to his blog post which answers the question, "Can I give it up on the first date?" Here's what he had to say:

It’s the timeless question that everyone woman ponders when she has a great first date. And the answer to that question is yes, YES U CAN!

But, you have to do it a certain way, that’s if you actually like the guy and want this to go some where. So let me break it down to you.

Ladies, in order for you to give up the cookies on the first date it has to be what I call the “Love Jones” date. Remember how Darius Lovehall and Nina Jones were just suppose to go out, then they wind up going dancing, then the goodnight kiss turn into the Maxwell being played as they bumped bellies?

The reason it worked is because there was a mutual attraction, a spark, and passion. It wasn’t about getting one off and dipping in the morning, the man made her an omelet the next day (and you know Negroes don’t cook). So ladies, if that man is saying and doing all the right things on the first night and you know without a shadow of a doubt that it’s genuine, go ahead and let your hair down. And please remember Mr. Benjamin Andre’s words from up above.

Wanna read the rest? Click here,but come back soon, ya hear?!

And here's what Mr. Wall thought about the "Wedding-Day Rule" (waiting until after the wedding reception to rock his lady's bell):

No I couldn't wait. Call me shallow, call me a bitch ass nigga, call me WRONG, a heathen or whatever you want to call me, but no I couldn't wait until my wedding night. I'm sorry, I know its wrong. But, I'm also man enough to let you know that sex is too important to me to lie to you and get your hopes up. Shit, I'm not even going to boo another girl up unless she's a half nympo.

I also posed the question to my DC buddy. He's the man panel's only biracial libertarian. Here's what he had to say about sex on the first date:

Well, let's see. First off, it depends on the circumstances of the "first date." Bar hookups? No. Those are doomed from the minute clothes are removed. I have tried to make it work with girls who, er, did me a favor the first time I met them? Bad idea. The one girl had, by the age of 20, racked up Clerks-type (audio NSFW) numbers for going down on guys. This is not healthy, and indictative of an unstable individual. That said, you'd be surprised how many fights can be resolved by a girl who likes to do that. So yeah. Genital contact first day you meet? Hell no. I'm perfectly fine with it, but a healthy relationship is not coming out of it. As long as you go into it knowing that, go for it.

Now, if the first date is with a co-worker, friend, or other person with whom you've had considerable social contact? Then it's ok, because you're not hooking-up with a stranger. Sure, you may not know them that well, but there has been time for there to develop sexual tension for both of you to notice and want to act on. This is dangerous, of course, because you could be torpedoing friendship(s), but needs/desires are a mother and you want to be friends with the person you end up with, right? So this--especially in the age of urban dating--has become my standard dating ritual. (not necessarily on the first date, mind you, but a non-traditional date format). Living in a city, you often find yourself in a group of friends, hanging out doing the same things, showing up at the same events in mixed company, so people hit it off, grab drinks, and then BOOM. hookup. Most of my friends in relationships in my current city developed along this or a similar narrative.

I have tried dating the girl who says she's waiting til marriage--somewhat recently even--because there was an automatic "click" there and I hadn't been giving "nice girls" a chance in recent years. She was open to some things, but I'm a little long in the tooth to be teaching a girl like she was in high school again and it was apparent early-on that she could never be "the one," so even if I got her to the point that she would change her "plan"--which I can say with all due humility I think I could have convinced her to do if I wanted to--it would ultimately be inviting her heartbreak, so I ended it.

There was one girl who made me wait awhile, and I had ended it for other reasons before we got to that point. But we ended up at a party together and I went home with her and we started seeing each other again. She was accepted to law school, and just before she left the city, she finally wanted to do it. I wish we would have had more time, because we never got a chance to get better together.

But that's another story for another time. Nutshell: Yes, you can get a good man if you make him wait a bit, but at your peril. No, you can't get a man by giving it up the first night you meet him. But no, there are no hard and fast rules for when it's ok.

My personal expectation is 3rd date: but I rarely get digits at bars and thus I'm usually "in there" in two since I know her already.

Man, I sound like a ho.